Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be.... #21

I never thought things would be as hectic has they have been over the past week.

Graduation was emotional. I participated in two separate ceremonies and cried my way through one. My family and best friend came to see me and that made it even more special. It still hasn't hit me that it's all over. My grades have posted, I've done the ceremony, but I still don't feel like it's over. Everyone tells me that it will start to feel over when the fall comes and I'm not enrolled in classes, others say that it'll be months after that when I finally feel like it's done.

I've taken the last week to rest up and try to return to society as a functioning human. My assistantship encouraged me to take some time off before starting up my summer gig with them, and so I picked up lots of hours at The Second Job instead. I made a trip to my hometown for a few days, and now I'm back and ready to get back to work tomorrow. I have the next two months of my life planned out pretty well; I know when I'll be working at my jobs and when I'll be going back home. My best friend gets married next month and I'm looking forward to an extended visit at home with my family and friends. One of my close friends that I made during the past two years has offered to help me move, and I've snatched up his offer. I already reserved my truck and made my tentative moving plans. Can you tell how much I love to schedule things?

I made a trip to my undergrad to see some old professors and mentors. It was great to spend time talking with people and sharing my success with them. Being back on campus was also wonderful, and I'm amazed that after two years it still feels like home. Things have changed, but not the degree that it has altered the feeling I get when I drive on campus. I've managed to make it to homecoming and graduation these past two years, but it's odd to know that I might not get that chance again.

People are telling me to take some time off from the insanity of my summer and do something fun. Oddly, I don't really WANT to take any time off. I'm anxious to save up money and start to plan (go figure) how I'll start paying off my debt. While I'd love to do something absolutely amazing before I go off and become an adult, I'm not going to attempt to find what that might be already. I'd rather stumble upon something and make it happen. My spontaneous side has to come out somewhere, right?

Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be.... #20

Just as quickly as everything came to the boiling point, everything simmered back down.

I headed to my on-campus interview trying to keep a clear mind. This was my #2 choice from the ACPA interviews and I knew I had to be fair with this. Since my #1 choice was no longer in the picture, obviously this became a little more important. My trip to the campus was fun and on a very beautiful day. I arrived, and I think one of the first things that came into my head was "Oh shit."

The campus is beautiful. Coming from an undergraduate institution that had the most amazing scenery, I'm pretty tough on other campuses about their atmosphere. This place looks like it's out of a movie. I loved it.

My interview day was full and tiring, but very helpful. I met so many people, all of whom were fantastic. I spoke to a few students and got to be a fly on the wall in the office during my breaks. By the end of the day I knew that I really liked this place, and I knew that was just going to complicate my decision. I was lucky because they were already moving quickly with the search and so it went perfectly with my accelerated timeline.

I left campus and burst into tears. In my head I'm thinking, "Great. WTF am I supposed to do now?!"

I am lucky to have supportive people all around me, and after a few hours of thinking and talking, good food, and a few drinks, I realized that I wanted nothing more than to get that job. If they passed on me, I would accept the other offer. As the night wore on, I wanted the job more and more. As I kept thinking about all the positives about the position I started kicking myself for not giving THAT much more energy and enthusiasm during the interview.

Apparently, my self criticism wasn't that necessary.

Yesterday, while sitting in the parking lot of a restaurant off of some random exit on some highway, I got the call that offered me this position and I immediately accepted. I will be moving in a few months to embark on the next leg of my journey through student affairs and to start a position that will bring me challenges and positive experiences. As my mom pointed out - I went on two campus interviews and got two job offers. Lucky doesn't even begin to describe it.

I have actually managed to accomplish what I set out to do so many months ago; I have job by graduation. This weekend I will walk across the stage and be incredibly proud that I finished this degree and obtained a position that I fell in love with back in February. I remember the moment I read the position description and thought, "Wow. This could possibly be the best position ever." The journey to get to this point has been exhausting. I finally feel like I can sleep and eat normally and not worry about what to do with my life. It's been almost exactly 5 months since I applied for my very first position. I am glad that this process was so successful for me (and for my blogging buddy) but I also realize that it's not been that way for many others. There are only a handful of us in my program who have already accepted positions and the rest are still actively searching and interviewing.

For the rest of the summer I will continue at my assistantship and keep plugging away at my second job. The packing and cleaning will start soon (Because I seriously love nothing else more than packing. Really.) and then I'll be off on my next adventure. Let's hope it's as great as I think it could be.

Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be.... #19

You would think that by now I would be used to the unexpected when it comes to my job search, but I am constantly surprised by happens.

This week I was offered an on-campus interview which I immediately accepted. This comes from an institution that really interests me and for a position that seems like it could be the best thing ever.

Two days later I received my first job offer.
I hate to say that I wasn't surprised, but I wasn't. I knew I nailed that interview, but I guess I didn't realize what kind of an impression I had made until the bargaining started after I said I'd need some time because I had another interview lined up. I am completely unprepared for feeling of being recruited for a position. Luckily, my supervisors at my assistantship are wonderful, caring people. Each one of them dealt with me in the midst of my freak out, and they all helped to talk me off the ledge.

That same day I found out that an institution I had JUST applied to days beforehand was already checking my references. I went from having virtually nothing on the horizon to multiple things going on all at the same time.

I'm losing my mind.

In all truth I am in a much better place now than I was a day ago. I felt like I was walking around in a daze, and I was. Maybe I still am. I am constantly weighing my options and trying to decide what decision I should make. I am giving this on-campus interview a fair shot, but I'm wondering what decision I will make once it's all over. If I like what I see and feel at my interview I will have to decide whether or not I have the metaphorical balls to turn down my other offer. If I'm not 100% after the interview.....I will probably take the offer. The job offer is a decent one, and it's a position that I know I would be great in. My friends beyond the realm of higher ed have all said that they would pick this job for me out of any other ones that I have floating around as options. I'm taking this into consideration, regardless of whether or not I should, because these friends know me better than most.

I've been told to take some time to do some soul-searching following my interview. Despite how busy I will be, I plan on following this advice and do some major thinking.

On the other side of the coin, my life as a graduate student is officially done. Classes are completed, coursework is turned in, my last hours at my assistantship are clocked in. I just wait for graduation and for the celebrations to begin.....with or without an accepted position.

Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be.... #18

I have no idea where the past week has gone. I can't even claim that I've been busy everyday as my blogging pal has been - to be honest, I've been hit with a wave of laziness.

Last Friday I got one "Thanks, but no thanks" email from an ACPA employer that I liked. Then within hours after that I got another email from a different employer telling me the same thing about two positions I didn't even know I was being considered for. Unfortunately, this happened to be my number one choice and the ambiguity of the email left me wondering if I was being canned for the position that I really liked, in addition to these other ones that I was totally not interested in. I fired off as much of a professional "wtf?" reply email that I could. Then I had a complete breakdown and completely gave up. I couldn't even tell you what I did for the rest of the day besides stare at my inbox and just dare someone else to email me and turn me down.

My weekend turned hectic and interesting, and I wasn't surprised that there was a full moon. I swear, the most random stuff happens to me. So after working and dealing with many other things, I started my week. I did the class thing, I did the homework thing, I did the working thing. Today is a complete and total day off for me, and I'm planning on enjoying it. I've managed to knock out the last bit of school work that I needed to do. All is left is finishing up a few things for my internship and actually making it through this last week of class.

A bright spot amongst all of this was the announcement of an opportunity for summer employment. My assistantship (which, by the way, is the best place to work with the nicest people ever) has found the money to offer me a temporary part-time position from graduation until mid-August. This has now bought me three more months of job searching time if I need it. I can keep my second job and try to save money while still being able to pay my bills and hunt for a job. This took a HUGE load of anxiety away from me. While I'd love to find a job as soon as possible, knowing that I have a little extra time is great.

I'm also comforted to know that my classmates don't seem to be having much more luck with their searches. Some have gone to more on-campus interviews (I'm holding steady at one so far) but people are getting rejected and not really liking many of the places that they're going to. At least I know I'm not the black sheep of the program that just can't find something.

I did get a reply from my number one school who clarified that their initial email was only in regard to those two positions. I can only assume that they haven't yet made their decisions for the position that I'm interested in. I made some phone calls today and left messages for those people I spoke with at ACPA that I was interested in. Since last week I've applied for 4 or 5 more positions and I've got a few more to crank out over the weekend. I have two weeks until graduation. I can't believe the past two years have all come down to these final two weeks.