Suddenly I see, this is what I wanna be.... #8

I am faced with an interesting combination of feelings these days.

First, I am now one month from ACPA. This leaves me excited and anxious to get there and start interviewing. I already have a few things scheduled, with many others in the mix. I'm quickly becoming addicted to the ACPA candidate site, looking all around at the positions out there and deciding what is worth my time. It's like an insane grocery store with all these options of different kinds of food, but instead there are all these institutional types to choose from.

This would be easier if I knew exactly what type of institution I was after, as well as where I want to go. I'm doing a fairly broad search, both in type of position and geographic location, which I thought was a good idea. I'm pretty marketable (if I may toot my own horn) in several areas, and why not experiment and see what's available to me? Location is an ever-evolving challenge. There are some cities/areas that I am specifically looking in. There are also many states that I never thought I would consider going to that are now definitely on my radar screen.

I thought that having nothing holding me back would be a blessing, but I'm starting to wish that I had a major anchor holding me down -- only so that decision making would be easier. And even as I type these words my brain is racing and a little voice is saying, "Self! You know how much you LOVE that you can look where you please. You would be so unhappy with limited resources!!"

The voice is right. This is only the tip of the iceberg with my emotions. Read on.

What creates more of the oil and water mixture of my feelings is when you factor in the overwhelming lack of motivation that's starting to seep in. Yes, I'm still managing to harvest some for the use of my job search, but getting a job will mean nothing unless I actually complete my degree. Unfortunately, reading for class and writing papers is not really attention-grabbing these days. It's the time of year - spring is nowhere to be found (with no inclination that it'll be around anytime in the near future) but I'm well aware of how close spring break is. I want that week off (although my insanity has kicked in, and I'm committing to a week of work at BOTH the Assistantship and the Second Job). I want to lay around my apartment and stare at the walls. I want to watch massive amounts of television, think nothing at all about school, and enjoy the peace and quiet.

Of course, I also want a job. Alas...what's a girl to do?

I suppose there's nothing else to do but suck it up and get things done. The great prospects of ACPA should be enough fuel to kick my ass in gear and make it through the next few months. I've hit this type of slump before, and always during this time of year. Too much snow and too much stress is enough to make my motivation pack up and head for warmer clilmates.